By Maureen McKane, LCSW
Emotional Indepenence can happen once we learn to stop thinking that another person’s ideas, feelings and habits have power over us. Here’s how to think from inside yourself.
How often do your thoughts detour into the head of someone else? Co-dependence is when you adjust your world to accommodate what you believe to be important to another person. Perhaps their sour look makes you question your own ideas. Maybe you habitually defer to their opinion when it’s decision time. In the process you begin to forget the import of you.
It’s time to break the habit. Start with this Declaration of Emotional Independence:
- When someone offers advice it is a suggestion, not a requirement. I will say, “Thank you,” and make my own decision.
- Mistakes are how humans learn. I strive to be just human. I will thank my mistakes.
- I will remember my good deeds and not wait for others to find them.
- I alone will be the judge of me. No one else has permission.
- Jealousy: No one is better or worse than me. I will remind myself that we are all just human.
- Distrust: Sometimes a person wants their own way more than mine. I will decide what is fair and act accordingly.
- I will give myself an Atta Boy when I need one.
- When my thoughts analyze another person’s motives, I will water my plants instead. That’s more useful.
- When I wonder if there is something wrong with me, I will remember there is more right in here than wrong. Same is true for everyone. Back to watering the plants.
- I will not hand over my well-being to anyone. Everyone else is a poor judge of what is best for me.
Independence means being yourself, listening to yourself, finding the value in yourself. If you sometimes get lost in Other, take back your own mind now. Make this July 4th your Declaration of Emotional Independence. Fireworks gratis.